Grudges

WHAT IS A GRUDGE?

Somebody did something bad to you and it hurt you. In fact, it hurt so much that you have never let it go.

HOW DOES A GRUDGE HANG ON SO LONG?

The main purpose of a grudge is to protect you from the person who hurt you.
Grudges don't want to leave; they want to hang around forever.
Grudges convince you that they are there for justice, and to let them go would be unfair.
The grudge convinces you that it is there to even the score with the person who hurt you, and to let it go would is not right.

WHAT DOES A GRUDGE DO?

A grudge reminds you over and over that you were hurt.
A grudge protects you from getting close to the one who hurt you. For all the negative that a grudge does to you, this is the one thing that may be positive, because sometimes you need to keep away from somebody who can't be trusted. When forgiveness is preached, people usually think it means leaving oneself vulnerable for being hurt again; this is not right.
A grudge can easily eat away at you.
A grudge can be the reason you do something bad to somebody else. Acting on a grudge can make you the jerk/mean person and the original jerk/mean person the victim. 
A grudge can also make you a not-so-nice person to be around.

WHAT ARE HIDDEN GRUDGES?

Sometimes we don't realize we have grudges even though they are there. Here are some examples of thoughts we use to cover over our grudges:

I love God and it wouldn't be right if I am angry at Him.
I would never be angry at my parents.
I am not the type of person that holds grudges.

These are the most common masks that cover up real grudges. A lot of us do not like the thought that we hold a grudge or grudges.

WHY SHOULD I WANT TO GET RID OF MY GRUDGE?

Being so negative, grudges eat away at you happiness, contentment and well being.
Usually the other person involved is not affected by your grudge and could care less, so you are only punishing yourself.
Grudges separate you from others (sometimes this is needed, sometimes not).
The Bible says that if we want forgiveness from God we need to forgive.

HOW DO I GET RID OF A GRUDGE?

I offer here, the way that has worked for me.  It is not the only way, but it has worked for every grudge that has ever hit me.

1. Face it, admit it, confess it. Just look at it and accept that you got one.
2. Confess it to God.
3. This next one may take some time. Generally speaking, the harder you were hurt, the harder it will be to let go of the grudge and the longer it will take. Ask God for forgiveness. You may need to start this step out by simply telling God that you know you should forgive but cannot right now. Ask Him to help you find a way to do so.
4. This is the hardest to do - tell God you forgive the person who hurt you. Again this may take some time before you can do this, but do it and don't worry about your feelings. You may not feel like you want to forgive the person, but tell God anyway. Tell God what the person did to you; tell Him how you hurt; tell him that you don't want to carry bitterness around, but cannot let it go. Be open and honest with God - you won't surprise or shock God. And then, tell God you forgive the person who hurt you.
5. Keep this ongoing - Every time you think about your hurt or what was done to you, say "I forgive whoever." Eventually it turns your heart around.
6. As you tell God you forgive this person, ask God to forgive that person too.
7. Sometimes if someone knows that they hurt you, you may need to go to that person and tell them that you forgive them.
8 Finally, be careful. Forgiving somone does not mean you have to open yourself up to new abuse. You may need to avoid the person who hurt you. For example, if that person continues to hurt you or if going to that person will place you in a bad situation or a bad relationship.

SCRIPTURE FOR CONSIDERATION

Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us (Matthew 6:12).